Healing Takes Time !

Healing
Healing takes time
And our heart continues to bleed
Deep red rivers through our vines
It does take time
Weeks, months and years
Tears still fall and fall
Human heart is fragile
More brittle than glass
When it’s hurt and when it cries
Centuries of time shivers in pain
What do you think of human heart ?
Iron, stone, diamond or gold ?
Do you think it’s icy cold ?
It’s an active volcano
Erupting with pain and emotions untold


Human heart the most precious thing
So precious that even God wants it
And deeply desires 
It’s the home where God wants to dwell
Yet  our hearts so miserable and broken
Every corner every deep
Filled wth chaos, cries and shrieks
Brutally killed, withered and lifeless
So deeply wounded, so badly butchered
There is hardly any hope
There is hardly any life left in our poor little heart
Yeah healing takes time
Perhaps decades, perhaps centuries
Perhaps lifetime, perhaps eternity.


Human heart the most precious thing
You ever get to  possess
Never play with it ,never put it on fire
Never test it, never experiment it
Never disrespect, never mistreat it
Never throw away nor kick it
Never hurt, never smother, never squeeze or wring it
Never break it’s bones, never pluck its wings ruthlessly


It’s not a toy , not a thing to experiment
It’s the most precious thing designed by God
He looks our naked heart
And He hears our every cry
He sees our heart
He sees every tear drop falling from it
He collects those tears
He holds our heart in His palm
He cries when a human heart dies
He cries when our heart  cries 
He is the one who touches and  heals it.

My Vulnerability and Brokenness is My Divine Gift !

Somewhere in the vicinity of vulnerability and in the shed of brokenness I find my true self. In the aching of my tiny heart I feel the pain of life with such depth and sensitivity that the tears which fall ,they also hug my soul. Peace is not the absence of pain but the ability to embrace the warmth of our tears as our sweet comfort and faithful comrade ! Stability is the ability to embrace all the uncertainty, pain, hurts, fears and triggers with a most gentle touch and even in the exposure of all the gloom, you bloom amidst them with all the sweet fragrance and beautiful smile !


When I was a kid and when I was quite junior, my vulnerability always scared me, always made me cry and it always felt like a curse. I could never know how to ever live with such a sensitive and brittle soul . I couldn’t know how to carry myself and walk in this tough world. I always cried feeling so cursed because of my hypersensitive soul and heart. I still cry because of this often. I still suffer because of this. I feel deeply and truly each pain, each little joy, each little hurt, each little miracle, each little sadness, every detail which life throws on me in my each step. I feel everything with my heart and soul, I feel everything with my closed eyes . And when I cry I cry with all my pain, sadness, helplessness and miserable feeling. When I smile I smile from my heart and a pure spirit.

Well, it will be bad to complain about things, life and all the sad things. It’s true that the amount of adversities and tragedies I went through are massive and heavy, but I can’t undo them by complaining and crying. But I can embrace them all as most precious and costly gems and I can carry them gracefully as my ornaments . I can use them as unique colours which life gifted me to be a master artist. I am still figuring out how I can string all these scattered  gems from the deep cave sorrow, pain and adversities of life. By running away from my hurt, wounds and tears I can’t truly stand on my ground and can’t truly be the real me.


  I am learning to embrace my vulnerability and brokenness as my unique gift gifted by the divine. Because it allows me to feel deeply with each nerve of my heart  as a perpetual part of me and it keeps me from being hard and tough, it keeps me forever grounded to my true roots, the roots of emotions and feelings. Because this is what I am, a soul which lives, breathes and feels so deeply, a soul which cries most tender tears, a heart that forever beats with the sweetest and deepest sensitivity. And this is all I am . I can’t live without feeling. I can’t ignore the the depth and height of emotions and all the range of our struggles. I see from my heart, I sense from my heart and I am sensitive soul who lives in her heart.

I Acknowledge I Need Healing !

For a long time I have been hurt . For really long I am completely broken and crushed. For so long I have been putting all my strength and energy and so much draining myself but all I I have been receiving is more pain, more hurts, more frustrations, more disappointments, more tests of my patience. The letters, poems and songs I have written out of my pain are endless in number but I keep those all to myself and don’t share. For long I have even stopped writing and I am not even in touch with my own self ,all I feel is only pain , emptiness, drained and exhaustion. I feel speechless and unable to utter a word.

But this great truth and need I have been ignoring that I need healing , I need to live now for myself and give myself that time, space, care and everything which will allow me to hug my own heart and soul ,which will allow me to let my bleeding heart breathe . I need to express myself and accept my true condition without trying to ignore it . I must accept I need healing, I need love and I am really weak, tired and vulnerable. I am so broken I can’t help myself not crying. I can’t help myself not feeling so empty and lonely.

I can’t hide my pain and hurts. I can’t forget all that I went through and all that fell upon me. Sometimes I am lifeless and numb like a statue, sometimes I am so sensitive, vulnerable and soft that I simply cry and cry silently lying on my bed and silently tremble with unbearable pain, silently I hug myself and put myself to sleep.