Kind is that river That hugs the poor creature This dead, dried leaf Lost, fallen, forsaken Homeless and clueless Only to be trampled down And chased away Like a worthless waste Or to be played by the naughty wind 🍁 Sweet is that stream That gives abode to this homeless Thanks to it Now it has found Life in death Beginning in its end A home apart from its home A soothing, tender, gentle Arms, bed and lap That hugs and heals Dances and thrills Full of life and jive Pregnant with dreams and hope 🍁 This leaf is alive again And dreaming sweet dreams Sleeping with comfort and smile Dreaming with the stars Shining with the sun And playing with the ripples Listening to the song of the day And sweet lullaby of the night Visiting new earths, new lives As the river flows across Many new worlds and places Through dales and caves 🍁
Somewhere in the vicinity of vulnerability and in the shed of brokenness I find my true self. In the aching of my tiny heart I feel the pain of life with such depth and sensitivity that the tears which fall ,they also hug my soul. Peace is not the absence of pain but the ability to embrace the warmth of our tears as our sweet comfort and faithful comrade ! Stability is the ability to embrace all the uncertainty, pain, hurts, fears and triggers with a most gentle touch and even in the exposure of all the gloom, you bloom amidst them with all the sweet fragrance and beautiful smile !
When I was a kid and when I was quite junior, my vulnerability always scared me, always made me cry and it always felt like a curse. I could never know how to ever live with such a sensitive and brittle soul . I couldn’t know how to carry myself and walk in this tough world. I always cried feeling so cursed because of my hypersensitive soul and heart. I still cry because of this often. I still suffer because of this. I feel deeply and truly each pain, each little joy, each little hurt, each little miracle, each little sadness, every detail which life throws on me in my each step. I feel everything with my heart and soul, I feel everything with my closed eyes . And when I cry I cry with all my pain, sadness, helplessness and miserable feeling. When I smile I smile from my heart and a pure spirit.
Well, it will be bad to complain about things, life and all the sad things. It’s true that the amount of adversities and tragedies I went through are massive and heavy, but I can’t undo them by complaining and crying. But I can embrace them all as most precious and costly gems and I can carry them gracefully as my ornaments . I can use them as unique colours which life gifted me to be a master artist. I am still figuring out how I can string all these scattered gems from the deep cave sorrow, pain and adversities of life. By running away from my hurt, wounds and tears I can’t truly stand on my ground and can’t truly be the real me.
I am learning to embrace my vulnerability and brokenness as my unique gift gifted by the divine. Because it allows me to feel deeply with each nerve of my heart as a perpetual part of me and it keeps me from being hard and tough, it keeps me forever grounded to my true roots, the roots of emotions and feelings. Because this is what I am, a soul which lives, breathes and feels so deeply, a soul which cries most tender tears, a heart that forever beats with the sweetest and deepest sensitivity. And this is all I am . I can’t live without feeling. I can’t ignore the the depth and height of emotions and all the range of our struggles. I see from my heart, I sense from my heart and I am sensitive soul who lives in her heart.
Most Holy, dearest, sweetest Father God in Heaven ! I owe You my heart, life, love and every beat of my heart, every thought of my mind ! I owe You my each breath ! I owe You my madness, passion and deep desire ! I am connected to You such way that I can never think even a beat without You in it . I can not think about this life without You. I am always thirsty for Your presence and longing for Your fire to ignite me, consume me. It’s never enough . I want You always.
Align the rhythm of my heart with Yours Create a new symphony in each fibre of my being to chase after You like the thirsty deer running for the brook and panting for the fresh water in the stream. I want to chase after Your heart with all my madness without any limit. I want to be completely soaked in Your presence and bathe in Your radiance that electrifies me with the unparalleled joy.
I am not perfect. I make lots of mistakes. I fall short in many things often . My vulnerability, weakness, fears, inability, insecurity are all ever before You dearest Daddy ! I come to You just as I am with all my flaws, shortcomings, brokenness, failures and lacking. Make me Yours forever. Make my heart Your dwelling place. Yes I give my this vulnerable, defenceless, shattered, broken, wounded, bleeding heart of mine in Your tender , loving, most trustable hands. And I make You the King, owner, healer, author and restorer of my heart.
My soul is ever longing for You ! And I Love You with all my tears, sighs, silence and scream ! I love You with all the overwhelming peace, joy and contentment ! I Love You madly, dearest Daddy ! Each day I fall in love with You and Your love sustains my life !
I Love You endlessly ! I Love You deeply ! I Love You madly !
A series of an open form of writing for my raw, desperate longing, cries, prayers, letters, conversations of my soul with God ! These are my personal, vulnerable feelings, emotions in all range of self contemplations and deep soul searching.
You can say it my digital diary where I will talk to God. And the main aim here will be to connect with Him with all the depth of my soul, heart, truth, thirst and honesty.
I have been extremely crazy for God and deeply connected to Him since childhood and all my life I have grown in that relationship with Him and have tasted the joy of His presence and closeness.
I have had an awesome friendship and relationship with God. But for long time now I have got diverted from it and have got lost, got trapped in pain, sorrow, darkness and all the complications of life..like the prodigal daughter, I chased after all other things so much for so long that my personal time with God got neglected and my relationship with Him too got affected badly.
So I repent for it and want to chase after God all again and restore my craziness for Him again..with more fire !
Dear Heavenly Father . I come to You with a hungry heart and thirsty soul for Your presence, for Your intimacy ,for Your living water ,for Your manna . Nothing can satisfy the longing and cry of my inmost being except You . I am hungry for Your word ,hungry for Your wisdom . Dear Father it is not diamond, gold, silver or rubies that I seek ,but the far more precious Words of Yours that is my true longing, that is the treasure I seek . Your word is sweeter than honey, tastier than the most delicious feast of meat , more pleasant than the fragrance of myrrh.
God, Your word is all satisfying, healing to my bones ,good to my health . God ,I pray to You on behalf of my fellow brothers and sisters in this world ,I pray for each and every one whose heart and soul has turned far from You ,is lost in the this illusions of the world ,is being carried away in worthless things .I pray for all the mankind on earth that You touch them ,turn them to You . Please put that fire ,that hunger in them too for You, for their Creator . Create in them a new heart ,a new soul which longs for You, searches for You wildly ,and comes running to You ,to Your living stream ,just as the thirsty deer comes running to the streams of water and drinks from it with satisfaction and delight .
Father I pray on behalf of everyone on this earth to have that desire for You, for Your Word, Your love and presence ,to know You more ,to connect with You more deeply . Please draw them towards You . Your word is sweeter, deeper, pleasant and richer than any best thing of this world . But without that passion and hunger ,a heart that is stubborn, stiff and self-sufficient, Your precious words, Your provisions stay neglected before them because of their inability to receive . For deeper the hunger, the greater a person’s heart is ready to receive Your treasures and spiritual wealth .
Many years ago I had read some valuable article with deep insight.. where it was written about the importance of being broken in our Father God’s hand, if we want to be fruitful for God and be used by Him greatly and powerfully we must let Him break us. Cause until we are not broken, until we are not dead to ourselves we can’t be much fruitful He can’t use us that powerful way when we harden ourselves and don’t want to be broken. But it’s a necessary process which we actually want to skip completely or get rid of. Jesus fed more than 5000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 pieces of fish..and yet 12 baskets got left over. We know this incident very well since childhood. But we miss one important point here, the process how He does it. When those fish and bread were given to Him, He blesses them, uplifts and surrender them to Father God, then He breaks them and starts giving those blessed, broken pieces of fish and bread.. and we know the story what happens next, more than 5000 people ate full and 12 baskets left over food remained. That’s what He does with us. When we give ourselves to Him, He blesses us and let us to be broken, and in that brokenness, in that process He does most important works within us, He uses us mightily for His purpose
We often fail to understand the purpose of pain, pause, waiting, the presence of suffering and hardships. We just want everything in our life to go smooth and well, all merry, all happy. When the real tests come as giants in our way and block our way, we stumble there. Cause we are so obsessed with only blessings, success, happiness, prosperity and staying ahead or having name, fame or stay in equal with all around. But we fail to understand that just like our hand prints are unique and we are all different from each other, so does our role, purpose for our life and God’s plan, timetable is different and unique for each of us. It’s a foolishness to compare ourselves with others. We all have unique challenges, tasks and difficulties which are specific and unique to each of us. In the pause, in the waiting, in the wilderness God breaks us, moulds us, prepares us, equips us, trains us, refines us, improves us, corrects us, improves us, transforms us into that shape, image and character which He has designed and planned for us, in the image, in the likeness of Jesus. In the wilderness, in the pause we start to understand the real meaning and depth of His each words which we were just overlooking previously. Yes it is then His living words start speaking life to us.
Yes it is in the fire of affliction He purifies us. In our brokenness we develop a humility and gentleness, a character that is too precious in His eyes. When we are at the bottom of life we learn to depend on Him and learn what is total and complete surrender. When all our roads are blocked and all hope is gone, we learn to trust Him. In our lowest we learn to depend on His strength. Yes He allows us sometimes to experience the lowest of time, He empties us completely, so that we can trust only Him and open our heart, our doors for Him alone and we can give ourselves to Him, entrust our life completely in His hand only. When we think that nobody cares, nobody thinks about us, nobody loves us, nobody sees us. When we think that we are completely left alone and we even wonder about His existence, we question if even God cares about us, does He look us, does He understand.. Does He hear our prayer, our cry? Does He see our pain? Forget about human beings, does even God understand us..? In our darkest times we all might go through such situations, such questions, such loneliness, such hopelessness..! And what we do at such times are really which matter a lot which defines us what we are made of, what our true heart is.
Most times people fail there at this point and lose their track. And this is the crucial time which the Heaven, angels and God witness what really we are! Job lost everything yet He didn’t reject God, he still put his love and trust in God, he remained loyal even in the most painful time. Joseph was betrayed by his brothers, sold as a slave to foreigners and lived so many years as a slave, again he got accused with serious false witness and was prisoned for so many years , got punished for crimes not done. Moses lived 40 years in the desert . Abraham being called the friend of God, by God Himself, he waited so many years to see His promised child.
One day my friend , little birdy , asked me out of a blue, while we were alone ,apart from the world ,listening to the cadence of wind in the fairy jungle and sweet songs of so many creatures lulling our ears , from far hills… . – “What is a home ,buddy ?” . I got surprised with this sudden question, felt a tingling of pain deep in my heart ,got silent ,and then after pondering a while …slowly with a stuttering, sad voice with pain I said to the little birdy .. . – A Home must be a place ,where you don’t get lonely ! . A home must be a place ,where you don’t get left behind !
A home is probably somewhere people don’t judge you !
A home I think is a place where people don’t engage themselves in searching and finding faults in you !
A home must be a beautiful, bright and warm place where everybody smiles ,sings, dances ,breathes ,moves freely and loves each other deeply , abundantly !
And my dear, little birdy ..! A home must be a place where your Mom is waiting for you ! . .and …and We don’t have a home buddy ! “ .. Tears started to rain from my eyes and words couldn’t be uttered anymore !
Little birdy said .. – ” If that is a home then You are my Home ! buddy ! “
A sweet smile waved on my sad lips and reached through my teary chicks .. . I hugged my little birdy with affection ,love ,satisfaction and new found hope !
Earth has everything to excite us ,it’s a heaven itself ..but we don’t realise that and we think heaven is something really different from this world and our heaven means only gold, diamonds, rivers of honey..and all such crazy, greedy expectations..though I don’t deny the richness of heaven .
Have you ever looked at this earth ,this world .. don’t you ever realize it’s heaven itself .! The friendship, the bonds ,the love we share with our family, relatives, friends ,pets ,.. isn’t it so divine ..! Are they not the wingless earth angels ! Do they not carry an essence of heaven !
The rich verdant fields ,the white clouds spread across the vast blue sky playing with the sun the hide and seek , the hills and mountains of mystery and treasures, the colourful rainbow embracing the sky, the ocean waves dancing with the rise and fall of the tides , the dawn and dusk echoing with the birds song ,and the sky playing the festival of colours ..!
Are they not the view of heaven ,are they not divine ..! What more beauty and miracle you expect heaven to be oh greedy man .If you are not happy with this earth and it’s majestic beauty doesn’t appeal you ..I don’t know what will !
.
Musings Of A Dreamer 