Healing Takes Time !

Healing
Healing takes time
And our heart continues to bleed
Deep red rivers through our vines
It does take time
Weeks, months and years
Tears still fall and fall
Human heart is fragile
More brittle than glass
When it’s hurt and when it cries
Centuries of time shivers in pain
What do you think of human heart ?
Iron, stone, diamond or gold ?
Do you think it’s icy cold ?
It’s an active volcano
Erupting with pain and emotions untold


Human heart the most precious thing
So precious that even God wants it
And deeply desires 
It’s the home where God wants to dwell
Yet  our hearts so miserable and broken
Every corner every deep
Filled wth chaos, cries and shrieks
Brutally killed, withered and lifeless
So deeply wounded, so badly butchered
There is hardly any hope
There is hardly any life left in our poor little heart
Yeah healing takes time
Perhaps decades, perhaps centuries
Perhaps lifetime, perhaps eternity.


Human heart the most precious thing
You ever get to  possess
Never play with it ,never put it on fire
Never test it, never experiment it
Never disrespect, never mistreat it
Never throw away nor kick it
Never hurt, never smother, never squeeze or wring it
Never break it’s bones, never pluck its wings ruthlessly


It’s not a toy , not a thing to experiment
It’s the most precious thing designed by God
He looks our naked heart
And He hears our every cry
He sees our heart
He sees every tear drop falling from it
He collects those tears
He holds our heart in His palm
He cries when a human heart dies
He cries when our heart  cries 
He is the one who touches and  heals it.

A Song Of A Leaf 🍁


Kind is that river
That hugs the poor creature
This dead, dried leaf
Lost, fallen, forsaken
Homeless and clueless
Only to be trampled down 
And chased away
Like a worthless waste
Or to be played by the naughty wind
🍁
Sweet is that stream
That gives abode to this homeless
Thanks to it
Now it has found
Life in death
Beginning in its end
A home apart from its home
A soothing, tender, gentle
Arms, bed and lap
That hugs and heals
Dances and thrills
Full of life and jive
Pregnant with dreams and hope
🍁
This leaf is alive again
And dreaming sweet dreams
Sleeping with comfort and smile
Dreaming with the stars
Shining with the sun
And playing with the ripples
Listening to the song of the day
And sweet lullaby of the night
Visiting new earths, new lives
As the river flows across
Many new worlds and places
Through dales and caves
🍁

Glorry Shubhashree

My Vulnerability and Brokenness is My Divine Gift !


Somewhere in the vicinity of vulnerability and in the shed of brokenness I find my true self. In the aching of my tiny heart I feel the pain of life with such depth and sensitivity that the tears which fall ,they also hug my soul. Peace is not the absence of pain but the ability to embrace the warmth of our tears as our sweet comfort and faithful comrade ! Stability is the ability to embrace all the uncertainty, pain, hurts, fears and triggers with a most gentle touch and even in the exposure of all the gloom, you bloom amidst them with all the sweet fragrance and beautiful smile !


When I was a kid and when I was quite junior, my vulnerability always scared me, always made me cry and it always felt like a curse. I could never know how to ever live with such a sensitive and brittle soul . I couldn’t know how to carry myself and walk in this tough world. I always cried feeling so cursed because of my hypersensitive soul and heart. I still cry because of this often. I still suffer because of this. I feel deeply and truly each pain, each little joy, each little hurt, each little miracle, each little sadness, every detail which life throws on me in my each step. I feel everything with my heart and soul, I feel everything with my closed eyes . And when I cry I cry with all my pain, sadness, helplessness and miserable feeling. When I smile I smile from my heart and a pure spirit.

Well, it will be bad to complain about things, life and all the sad things. It’s true that the amount of adversities and tragedies I went through are massive and heavy, but I can’t undo them by complaining and crying. But I can embrace them all as most precious and costly gems and I can carry them gracefully as my ornaments . I can use them as unique colours which life gifted me to be a master artist. I am still figuring out how I can string all these scattered  gems from the deep cave sorrow, pain and adversities of life. By running away from my hurt, wounds and tears I can’t truly stand on my ground and can’t truly be the real me.


  I am learning to embrace my vulnerability and brokenness as my unique gift gifted by the divine. Because it allows me to feel deeply with each nerve of my heart  as a perpetual part of me and it keeps me from being hard and tough, it keeps me forever grounded to my true roots, the roots of emotions and feelings. Because this is what I am, a soul which lives, breathes and feels so deeply, a soul which cries most tender tears, a heart that forever beats with the sweetest and deepest sensitivity. And this is all I am . I can’t live without feeling. I can’t ignore the the depth and height of emotions and all the range of our struggles. I see from my heart, I sense from my heart and I am sensitive soul who lives in her heart.

I Acknowledge I Need Healing !

For a long time I have been hurt . For really long I am completely broken and crushed. For so long I have been putting all my strength and energy and so much draining myself but all I I have been receiving is more pain, more hurts, more frustrations, more disappointments, more tests of my patience. The letters, poems and songs I have written out of my pain are endless in number but I keep those all to myself and don’t share. For long I have even stopped writing and I am not even in touch with my own self ,all I feel is only pain , emptiness, drained and exhaustion. I feel speechless and unable to utter a word.

But this great truth and need I have been ignoring that I need healing , I need to live now for myself and give myself that time, space, care and everything which will allow me to hug my own heart and soul ,which will allow me to let my bleeding heart breathe . I need to express myself and accept my true condition without trying to ignore it . I must accept I need healing, I need love and I am really weak, tired and vulnerable. I am so broken I can’t help myself not crying. I can’t help myself not feeling so empty and lonely.

I can’t hide my pain and hurts. I can’t forget all that I went through and all that fell upon me. Sometimes I am lifeless and numb like a statue, sometimes I am so sensitive, vulnerable and soft that I simply cry and cry silently lying on my bed and silently tremble with unbearable pain, silently I hug myself and put myself to sleep.

Letters To My Father !

When I was clueless and lost for years, I was writing letters to God. When I was broken, shattered and wounded beyond any possibility of getting healed, I was falling at His feet and shedding all my tears tearing all my heart apart before Him. When nothing was making any sense and I was trapped in the chain of chaos and melancholy and wilderness was the only land I could see all around me, I was running to God and laying my grief stricken heart at His feet.
I was pouring my heart at His feet and my pen continued to run on the blank papers day and night filling diaries after diaries. And now when I look back I realise how beautiful, how powerful and how meaningful it was to write letters to God.

Once again I am lost, I am broken, I am chained in chaos, hurt, grief and screaming out in pain. I long for that connection with my Father God, I long for that beautiful friendship and relationship with Him. So once again I want to rebuild all that which somehow has got lost or died down in the wicked hands of time. I want to restore that sweet love which has been the source of my life and existence.


So once again I want to write letters to God and experience His presence through my writing, between my words. Cause He only hears my heart beat and He only holds my heart ! He only sees my tears and He only collects them in His bowl.

Rhythm Of My Heart !

Most Holy, dearest, sweetest Father God in Heaven !
I owe You my heart, life, love and every beat of my heart, every thought of my mind ! I owe You my each breath ! I owe You my madness, passion and deep desire ! I am connected to You such way that I can never think even a beat without You in it . I can not think about this life without You. I am always thirsty for Your presence and longing for Your fire to ignite me, consume me. It’s never enough . I want You always.

Align the rhythm of my heart with Yours
Create a new symphony in each fibre of my being to chase after You like the thirsty deer running for the brook  and panting for the fresh water in the stream.
I want to chase after Your heart  with all my madness without any limit. I want to be completely soaked in Your presence and bathe in Your radiance that electrifies me with the unparalleled joy.

I am not perfect. I make lots of mistakes. I fall short in many things often . My vulnerability, weakness, fears, inability, insecurity are all ever before You dearest Daddy ! I come to You just as I am with all my flaws, shortcomings, brokenness, failures and lacking. Make me Yours forever. Make my heart Your dwelling place. Yes I give my this vulnerable, defenceless, shattered, broken, wounded,  bleeding heart of mine in Your tender , loving, most trustable hands. And I make You the King, owner, healer, author and restorer of my heart.

My soul is ever longing for You !
And I Love You with all my tears, sighs, silence and scream ! I love You with all the overwhelming peace, joy and contentment ! I Love You madly, dearest Daddy ! Each day I fall in love with You and Your love sustains my life !

I Love You endlessly !
I Love You deeply !
I Love You madly !

Chasing After God #Letter 1

Chasing After God !


Introduction🕊️

A series of an open form of writing for my raw, desperate longing, cries, prayers, letters, conversations of my soul with God ! These are my personal, vulnerable feelings, emotions in all range of self contemplations and deep soul searching.

You can say it my digital diary where I will talk to God. And the main aim here will be to connect with Him with all the depth of my soul, heart, truth, thirst and honesty.

I have been extremely crazy for God and deeply connected to Him since childhood and all my life I have grown in that relationship with Him and have tasted the joy of His presence and closeness.

I have had an awesome friendship and relationship with God. But for long time now I have got diverted from it and have got lost, got trapped in pain, sorrow, darkness and all the complications of life..like the prodigal daughter, I chased after all other things so much for so long that my personal time with God got neglected and my relationship with Him too got affected badly.

So I repent for it and want to chase after God all again and restore my craziness for Him again..with more fire !

Love is still a vague dream !

Touch my soul
Touch my life
With tangible love
Touch the untouched places
valleys and corners
Of my bare soul

Touch my loneliness
Touch my aching heart
Touch my ever flowing tears
Touch my wounds
With tender love

Love is still an alien thing
In my frozen world
Love has not reached
Love has not touched my life
Love has not embraced me
Love is still an intangible thing
Love is still just a vague dream

©Glorry Shubhashree

Only Dreams ..

Only dreams were the language
Of those eyes once ..now only the tears
This journey of dreams to ashes
Hopes to tears, and faith  to fear is
Indescribably painful.
May be that stream of tears has dried up visibly
But the emptiness left behind on its trail
In those hopeless, dry eyes
And this death of tears
Has made me instead a living corpse
A silent death is my life everyday .
..
.

©Glorry Shubhashree

Recognition


Recognition and popularity doesn’t
Measure the worth of something.

Many enchanting Nature’s song
Remains  unheard, unfelt ,unsung .

Yet they sing their ambrosial songs of melody
Day after day, night after night .

Even the rarest beauty of this world
Lives silently in the world of oblivion
Completely unseen, unreached, unknown.

Like the wild flowers in a dense forest
Like the precious gems in the deep ocean
In the hidden caverns, where man not governs .

Yet they exist in their full glory
Only to adore and beautify the place they own .
To please their Creator who
Designed them for His own joy in privy.
.
.
– ©Glorry Shubhashree
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